We are taught, almost from birth, that death is not the end, but the beginning of living since we are born to die and be with God, Jesus and our loved ones who go before us. This is supposed to be a comfort to us in our time of loss. While I understand and agree that "a better place is waiting", it doesn't mean we won't suffer when a loved one passes on.

It is now May of 2014 and ever since my nephew passed, I am struggling to get this page done. I am not sure what has been holding me back other than I feel in my heart that it is wrong for me to be making pages for my nephews, they should be making pages for ME when I die, meaning, they are not supposed to die before me. Life, or should I say death, has some how gotten twisted around. I can't think of a single page of the hundreds of pages on my site, that has been this difficult for me to put together.

We are still struggling to understand something that we will never be able to, life has gone on and we live day to day with questions that we will never have answers to. I know that I love and miss William every day and the need to hug him one more time and tell him everything is going to be fine, is overwhelming. I hope he had found the peace he was searching for.

Partial lyrics from a song William posted to his Facebook wall:

"I'm in the pursuit of happiness. I know everything that shine ain't always gold.
I'll be fine once I get it. I'll be good"

In August of 2014, the popular actor, Robin William's, took his own life. I have never read anything as touching and so obviously right in our faces, as I did when I read this:

“Robin Williams didn’t die from suicide. I only just heard the sad, sad news of Robin Williams’s death. My wife sent me a message to tell me he had died, and, when I asked her what he died from, she told me something that nobody in the news seems to be talking about.

When people die from cancer, their cause of death can be various horrible things – seizure, stroke, pneumonia – and when someone dies after battling cancer, and people ask “How did they die?”, you never hear anyone say “pulmonary embolism”, the answer is always “cancer”. A Pulmonary Embolism can be the final cause of death with some cancers, but when a friend of mine died from cancer, he died from cancer. That was it. And when I asked my wife what Robin Williams died from, she, very wisely, replied “Depression”.

The word “suicide” gives many people the impression that “it was his own decision,” or “he chose to die, whereas most people with cancer fight to live.” And, because Depression is still such a misunderstood condition, you can hardly blame people for not really understanding. Just a quick search on Twitter will show how many people have little sympathy for those who commit suicide…

But, just as a Pulmonary Embolism is a fatal symptom of cancer, suicide is a fatal symptom of Depression. Depression is an illness, not a choice of lifestyle. You can’t just “cheer up” with depression, just as you can’t choose not to have cancer. When someone commits suicide as a result of Depression, they die from Depression – an illness that kills millions each year. It is hard to know exactly how many people actually die from Depression each year because the figures and statistics only seem to show how many people die from “suicide” each year (and you don’t necessarily have to suffer Depression to commit suicide, it’s usually just implied). But considering that one person commits suicide every 14 minutes in the US alone, we clearly need to do more to battle this illness, and the stigmas that continue to surround it. Perhaps Depression might lose some its “it was his own fault” stigma, if we start focussing on the illness, rather than the symptom. Robin Williams didn’t die from suicide. He died from Depression*. It wasn’t his choice to suffer that.”

Tom Clempson

If you know anyone suffering from depression, please share this with family and friends.

Trying Not To Worry

I'm trying not to worry
To think that you're okay
It's just things havn't been the same
Since the day you went away

I'm trying not to worry
Since you left without goodbye
Alone within your lonley  journey
All that's left is wondering why

I'm trying not to worry
As each day I carry on
My mind accepts the truth
Heart broken with you gone

I'm trying not to worry
It's just something I can't do
A habit I'm unable to break
I'm still worrying about you

Written for my nephew
November 20, 2013

This is William and me the day he got home from Marine bootcamp. I am SO short
and he is SO "Marine" serious <G>


You must have been in a place so dark,
You couldn't feel the light
Reachin' for your through that stormy cloud
Now here we are, gathered in our little hometown
This can't be the way you meant to draw a crowd

Oh why, that's what I keep asking
Was there anyting I could've said or done
Oh, I had no clue you were masking
A trouble soul, God only knows
What went wrong and why
You would leave the stage
In the middle of a song

Now in my mind I'll keep you frozen
As a seventeen year old
Rounding third to score the winning run
You always played with passion
No matter what the game
When you took the stage
You'd shine just like the sun

Oh why, that's what I keep asking
Was there anyting I could've said or done
Oh, I had no clue you were masking
A trouble soul, God only knows
What went wrong and why
You would leave the stage
In the middle of a song

Now the oak trees are swaying
In the early Autumn breeze
A golden sun is shining on my face
Through tangled thoughts
I hear a mocking bird sing
This old world really ain't that
bad of a place

Oh why, there's no comprehending
And who am I to try to
judge or explain
Oh, but I have one burning question
Who told you life wasn't
Worth the fight
They were wrong, they lied
Now you're gone and we cry
'Cause it's not like you to walk away
In the middle of a song

Your beautiful song
Your absolutely beautiful song

After the clouds the sunshine
After the Winter the Spring
After the shower the rainbow
For life is a changeble thing
After the night the morning
Bidding all darkness cease
After live's cares and trouble
The comfort and sweetness of home

Song by: Rascall Flats

The following message was left on my Facebook wall by my son, Michael, on October 8, 2013.

A few days ago, my family suffered an incomprehensible loss. Most of us have no clue what to say or think about this. In the last two years we have suffered far too many family losses, most of which came as complete blindside shocks. I cant make it home for this one and have heard from a couple members of my family, that tensions are getting high, some seem to be dazed, some angry, some overworked, helpful, drained, lost, checked out, irrational, etc. I have this to say to you who I love. Sounds good. Sounds normal. Sounds like US! In fact it is us. We are scattered but tight. We pick up where the other falls. And we do it consistently. All of this description can be applied to any gathering of us, my family. I remember a family reunion dinner that had all of these "problems" and MORE. So I gotta say from what Ive heard about this gathering, its actually rather calm and normal, being handled the way we handle every obstacle. Arguing, bickering, fighting, screaming, crying, and maniacal laughter is how we cope!! Its how we ALWAYS have and ALWAYS will. If everything went perfect and without a hitch, I would wonder what the hell my Uncle Bob had been smoking, or if my Uncle Bills meds are a tad off! We are crazy, you guys! It will be that way whenever we come together, for bad or good, we all show up, get the job done, and carry each other forward. If things seem out of control, then I say everything is running smooth. This is a tragedy of mega proportions. And that fact that everyones flipping out is exactly what I would expect, and welcome. I love you all my family. I will be there next to you in spirit. You got this.
October 8, 2013

Below is a picture of William where he seems to be saying "You got this", just like my son said.

You can visit William's Find A Grave Memorial by clicking here:
William Foss Find A Grave Memorial

William Foss
Monday, October 7, 2013
Mountain Home News
William Douglas Foss, 26, of Mountain Home, passed away at his home, on Sunday, Oct. 6, 2013, in Mountain Home.

A memorial mass will be held at 11 a.m., on Saturday, Oct. 12, 2013, at Our Lady of Good Counsel Catholic Church in Mountain Home. Cremation was under the direction of Rost Funeral Home, McMurtrey Chapel.

William was born on Nov. 25, 1986, at Elmore Memorial Hospital, the first child of Douglas and Kimberly Foss. He grew up in Mountain Home and graduated in May of 2005 from Mountain Home High School.

A former member of the Marine Corps Reserves, William had studied to become an electrician and worked with his uncles, Bill and Bob, on occasion, doing construction work.

William had a great love of animals, enjoyed working on cars, exploring caves, trips to the mountains and spending time with family and friends playing pool and video games.

William is survived by his parents, Douglas J. Foss of Mountain Home, Kimberly and her husband, Tom Billinger, of Mountain Home, a brother, John A. Foss, of Mountain Home, as well as many uncles, aunts, and cousins, all who loved him and will miss him very much.

William was preceded in death by his grandparents, Conrad C. and Majella L. Foss, and Roy A. and Evelyn M. Dutton, an aunt, Anne L. (Foss) Butler, and his cousin, Christy A. Taylor.

In lieu of flowers, William's family has requested donations be made to the Mountain Home Animal Shelter, P.O. Box 10, Mountain Home, ID 83647.

William with his father Doug and brother John

William's stepdad Tom, mother Kim, brother John and aunt Joleen

William's Uncle Marc and favorite Aunt Sharon, Me :)

Please visit the Suicide Prevention sites below or click here:

If you have an emergency are in a crisis situation, PLEASE call:


National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

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